Thoughts on BEYONCÉ

So, as I'm pretty sure y'all know, Beyoncé dropped a surprise album the minute the day became December 13th, 20 days ago . I don't know what the rest of the world was doing, but I had just finished a monster of a final paper for my Middle English class (2800-3200 words). I had been suffering from some increasingly intense (and I'm pretty sure stress-induced) chest pains the past week, was in the hospital earlier on the 12th, and hadn't written a lick of that paper before then. I turned it in at exactly 11:57pm, two minutes before the 11:59pm due date. One thing I know about myself is no matter how much I may procrastinate, shit ALWAYS gets done. So, after all of this, I'm ready to unwind by taking a bubble bath complete with relaxing music, one of my favorite ways to alleviate stress. I go on Facebook to celebrate the end of finals and BLAM! I see a post from my friend Shelby, revealing to me that Beyoncé has dropped an album. No promotion. No prior knowledge. Just boom, there it is. While reading and contributing to the awesome comment thread of that post, I jumped on to iTunes to get my first listen of this newness. While I was shocked you couldn't buy any of the songs individually (cool fact: the day it was made where you could do this was my birthday), after listening to some samples and especially after watching snippets of the videos, I dropped the fifteen dollars right there. I haven't looked back. 

The album definitely wins the award of Best Album of 2013 (Ariana Grande's "Yours Truly" nabs the silver) in my music awards show in my head because, MAN! "Blow" is my favorite song on the album, hands down. One of the main reasons I bought the album was for this song; I just saw fifteen seconds of the video and was like, "Yes. I must have this." Yes, I know the song is about cunnilingus. That's one of the reasons why I like it so much! Men been singing or rapping about getting their stuff sucked for years. I say go ahead girls, let them know that y'all refuse to be left out. I not only like "Blow" because it's saying she's gonna get hers too but how she says it. It's not disgusting or brazen. It's not even vulgar. Okay, maybe it does toe the line with the "skittles" and "cherry" lines but GIRL. All I could do was snap my fingers and say, "Yaasss!" The production is smooth as all hell, sounding like it's from the 70s or 80s and the lyrics are too much fun to sing out loud. It's certainly one of the songs most loaded with innuendos; I liked how it wasn't all in your face. I mean, I clearly knew what the hell she was talking about but I wasn't grimacing. 

Now back to that cherry line... Now the first time I heard her say, "I can't wait till I get home so you can tear my cherry out." I was like, "Wait a minute, hold up! Did she just say "tear"?" I actually had to go back and listen because since the background singers were saying "turn" I was getting confused. But, yup. She said "tear". And I still jammed out. In fact, that whole section, from 2.49 to 4.18, is my favorite part of the song, the part of the song where I GO IN. Y'all know what I'm talking about. You're in shower, jamming to your favorite song and then THE part comes on. You grab that shower gel, hold it like a mic, and go all out. If this was The X Factor, it would be Yes's all across the board. I have a little party when that part of the song comes on. More like a music video. Face expressions happen, extemporaneous choreography is performed, invisible hair flipping transpires... And this is even outside of the shower! The music video for Blow is also my favorite from the album. The woman's make-up is flawless, there is neon-everything, and the choreography was on point. Blow is the song I would most like to reenact or do my own music video for. It's just such a fun, playful, sexy and flirty song. Blow is like my personality. I am and can be all those things and when it comes to sexy stuff, I know that I won't be all in your face about it but it will be implied. Hahaha! 

Now, to the eleven things I learned.

1. Pretty does hurt; society's standards of beauty are ugly, as is society for thinking that way and I think its high time for a massive makeover. 

2. If you're drunk in love, you certainly wouldn't want to go to detox.

3. Skittles can be used as a metaphor for *bleep*, I can sing about cherries, and I hope I get to experience that "daddy long stroke."

4. If I sneeze on a beat, I must have to have a cold. 

5. I want my man to call me Peaches when we get this nasty.

6. Climaxes now have a theme song (Rocket).

7. Don't make a big deal out of little things and it must be nice to call someone yours and know they belong to you. 

8. I need to get my ass to Coney Island and enjoy myself, preferably with a bunch of friends.

9. Me and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie should totally be friends.

10. I woke up like this.

11. Love is a superpower. 

I had too much fun writing that. My top three songs from the album would have to be Blow (in first), Mine, and Partition. ****Flawless, Rocket, and Drunk In Love are all right behind in fourth, fifth, and sixth place respectively. 

Mine gets second place because I really like how it sounds, the lyrics exude a lot of vulnerability and uncertainty that takes place in relationships, and Drake holds up his end nicely; I was sad that his last verse didn't make it in the music video. Yes, I wanted to see more of him (the man is fine, got that beard-game on lock) but it would have added to the video's sensitivity theme. Plus, that video is one of the prettiest out of the 17. 

Partition gets the bronze--hell, it might have to share the silver with Mine--because it... You know what, Partition and Mine will share the silver. Partition also gets second because, people, this is the nastiest we've ever heard Beyonce be. Blow was a damn tap compared to this in-your-face banger. Not only does it start out with the hip Yoncé but it has Beyoncé not holding back, talking all this nasty shit. And girl, why not? I loved all of it. If you've been watching those Self-Titled videos of hers, you'll see she's very comfortable and unashamed of her sexuality and I'm like YES. Why should she be?! Partition also has some of the best lines, lines that make you go, "Damn!" I mean, Beyoncé is so ill, she sneezed on a beat and made it sicker. She shamelessly referenced Monica Lewinsky and the cum blue dress. Beyoncé said her man likes to call her Peaches when they get super freaky! Yes, you better say it right, Bey! For all those people complaining how she's gone crazy or is no longer a role model or shit like that, I have to say that Beyoncé hasn't changed. She's just letting us in more. And she's even more of a role model now than she was with her last four albums. Seriously. Watch those Self-Titled videos. You'll see what I'm talking about. By being open with her fans, she's allowing us to have fun with her. 

****Flawless now gets the bronze because since I heard the snippets of Bow Down/I Been On like in April or whenever it was released, I wanted the entire song. Bow Down is aggressive but that's what I like about it. It's Beyoncé like we've never seen her, demanding respect. And then with the Flawless portion, there is talk about feminism (which is the shit) and repeated lines of "I woke up like this" "Flawless" and "goddamn". It all works for me! 

BEYONCÉ was the perfect surprise, gift, and way to end the semester. I survived finals and came out with Beyoncé's new album. Can't complain there. The entire album is solid and I love the fact that its a visual album because music videos, especially ones featuring choreography, are fun to watch and give the song (sometimes) even deeper meaning. So, thank you, Beyoncé, for great and inspiring music, being yourself, and being open to all your fans. 

I want to know what your favorite songs were too, people! Drop a comment. Also, why not talk about your pros and cons of the album; did it make it to number one on your list of best albums of 2013 too? Have at it! I'll be dancing to Blow in the interim.