The Cookbook - Sweet Tooth: Oreo Balls

Now, as many of you may or may not know, I'm a baker. I love to bake, cookies being my favorite thing and the baked good I most often make. I sometimes branch out and make other things, like cakes, pies, brownies, whatever. I needed something to whip up this weekend and lemme tell you, these are EASY. You only need three ingredients! With the power of three, you get these:

Oh, yes. 

Introducing Oreo Balls, or as I like to call them (and one of the names I first heard them as), Jesus Balls—you BETTA PRAISE HIM. They're called this because they taste like heaven. I can attest that they do. I first learned this recipe over Spring Break at my friend Shelby's house; her younger brother was asking me about my baking habits and brought up the recipe. The moment I heard about it I immediately wanted to not only try the confections but make them. I had to wait about two weeks but it was worth it. I made these for a potluck and by the time I left, there was one lone soldier left in the tupperware. Just as well; at least I could enjoy the last bite. Here's what you'll need. 

16 ounces of Oreos, crushed

1 8 ounce package of cream cheese, softened

24 ounces of almond bark or white chocolate (blended with a bit of shortening), melted.

1. Take your oreos and either put them in a blender and crush those suckers up with the corresponding button until they resemble crumbs OR get a ziplock, dump the oreos in, and beat that sh*t with a rolling pin like it was Eustace Bagge and you're Muriel until you also get crumbs, or close to them (which is what I did, since I don't have a blender). Careful with the bag tactic, though. The constant onslaught of hits may cause small holes to tear in the bag, getting your precious oreo crumbs everywhere. If this happens, hit with a little less strength and try to cover the hole with your hand to prevent further escape of oreos. 

2. After that fun part is over, pour the crushed oreos into a mixing bowl with the package of cream cheese. With a electric mixer or a Kitchen-Aid stand-mixer (I will have one of those one fine day), mix on medium speed until fully blended. The consistency of the oreos should be that of moist dirt, wet enough to be shaped and hold its shape without crumbling. 

3. With either your hand and the help of a spoon or a small circular scoop, roll the oreos into one to  two inch balls. Place on a cookie sheet with foil and place in a refrigerator for an hour to chill (if you don't have time, you can also try the freezer, but I would cut that time in half, maybe slightly more than that, say about 25 minutes in the freezer compared to the full 60 in the fridge). 

4. If your almond bark didn't arrive from Amazon like you didn't order it to your address, when you did (THANKS, AMAZON!) and you're under a time constraint, run your ass down to King Soopers and grab two 12 ounce bags of Ghiradelli's White Melting Wafers (apparently, almond bark is sold at just about every other grocery store, which I didn't know prior to the King Soopers trip. I also have no car and since King Soopers is the only grocery store in walking distance, I had to haul ass there and back, although I got a ride from a friend halfway on the way back). While the Oreos balls are chillin' in the fridge (or freezer), grab a medium microwave safe glass bowl and melt around 3/4 cups of your almond bark or white chocolate (remember to also put the shortening in with it; it'll improve the consistency and add gloss, making it similar to almond bark, which already has shortening in it). Remove from microwave and stir. NOTE: Make sure everything you're using to melt the chocolate or that will be touching it is drier than the Sahara desert. Water will mess up the melting process of the almond bark or white chocolate, and no one wants that. These things are too sweet for struggle, girl). 

5. After the hour or 25 minutes is up, remove oreo balls from their frozen paradise. Using a spoon, stir the oreo balls around in the almond bark/white chocolate, taking care to scoop generous amounts of the melted confection on top of the oreo ball as to make sure of a complete coating. Place coated balls on back on the cookie sheet and return to the refrigerator (you really only need the refrigerator for this part) for 15 minutes to allow the almond bark or white chocolate to set and harden. Melt another 3/4 cups of the confection if you're beginning to run low after a couple coatings.

6. Remove from refrigerator and either enjoy them right there or store in an airtight container for yummies later. For how long, I'd say a week, maybe a bit more if kept frozen, but hell, who are we kidding? These things will NOT last that long. Trust me. 

Note: if you have any left over white chocolate/almond bark, melt it again if it has hardened and pour in gentle dime-sized spots on a foil covered cookie sheet. Place in refrigerator (for 10 minutes) or freezer (5 minutes) until hardened and solid. Carefully remove from foil and place the wafers back in the bag they came from, or a ziplock. Keep in a cook, dark place until later use. 

Hope you Bookworms enjoyed this recipe! If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I'm looking forward to trying out this recipe with other things besides oreos. Graham crackers, anyone? Until next time, readers.